FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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