onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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