i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My day in three words: secret purse cake
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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