my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
