i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
