literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
