i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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