He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
