so that wasnt chicken after all
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
