we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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