i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
