dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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