somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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