Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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