I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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