Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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