either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
