dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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