theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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