I wannas sexs uuuuu
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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