that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize