I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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