After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont even know how to be here
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
