You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize