Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
