I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
