You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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