I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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