dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
