At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
