it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
