i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
