you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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