Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
