There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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