I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
