I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
