omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
where am i from again
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
