Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
