Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
