So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
