Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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