I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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