i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize