Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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