sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
