i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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