drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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