Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
