i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
