I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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