I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
