He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
