i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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