My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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