My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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