thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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