Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
