She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the day after is always just damage control
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
