it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
