I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
