I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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