Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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