Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
