Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
