i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
