Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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