is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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