THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just invented taco cereal.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize