connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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