My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
