I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bring me that man meat
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize