Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
