Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
