I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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