sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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