At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
