I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
