ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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