Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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