my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
