we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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