don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
