She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
