Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm like, not good at living.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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