She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize