I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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