It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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