I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Still dying that you shit outside
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
