We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
