Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What a dumb baby whore.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
