I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
