Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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