Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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