i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I enjoy the company of your penis
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
