How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
did i just pee glitter
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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