hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thus making me awesome and them whores
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
