Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize