I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
