im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
