we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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