Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
