I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
