apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
