Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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