wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
