wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
