Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize