Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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