My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
