she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
