I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
