Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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