When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
