you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
