real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
