do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
