my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
