I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
